Disgraced Democrat Troy Kelley – who is still our State Auditor because he refuses to resign – faces 17 indictments for criminal activity, the most serious of which carries a 20-year prison sentence. His attorneys have taken an interesting route in his defense, perhaps because the truth wouldn’t help much.
As Shift reported, Kelley’s attorneys describe it as a “Nordstrom return policy” defense. Apparently, like the retail chain, Kelley “was trying to keep customers satisfied, even if he wasn’t obligated to issue a refund.”
Of course, that’s not the greatest analogy. Nordstrom doesn’t sneakily charge customers more than the price tag on an item and then, when the customer notices and asks for the money back, only return a portion of the money stolen.
So, since Kelley’s legal team appears to be struggling to come up with an appropriate alibi for a corrupt Democrat, we decided to lend the lawyers a helping hand. Here are some ideas they should consider:
- The Burger King defense: Kelley had it his way. He kept all money.
- The Apple defense: We won’t let you look into Kelley’s records. We’re protecting his privacy.
- The Chipotle defense: You’ll get sick looking into Kelley’s past.
- The MasterCard defense: There are some things Kelley couldn’t buy. For everything else, he used other people’s money.
- The Southwest Airlines defense: Kelley is now free to move his money around to different bank accounts.
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