The News Tribune recently came out with “five pieces of advice for those who have filed to run for election this year.” Given a new poll revealing Jay Inslee’s tenure as governor is on shaky ground, we decided to follow the TNT’s lead and take the opportunity to offer our green governor five pieces of advice for this election. Without further ado:
1. Whenever possible, reveal how your extreme positions align with President Obama’s failed administration — like the time you both, without any evidence, blamed global warming for wildfires in Washington State. An excellent opportunity to do just that is during President Obama’s fundraising dinner in Seattle on June 24th.
2. Keep revealing the full extent of your desperation by sending out uncreative fundraising appeals that cover all of your favorite liberals’ go-to attacks, including the “big, bad Koch brothers are coming to get me.” That way you can reveal your incredible hypocrisy when you accept your own bucket of dark money from California billionaire Tom Steyer.
3. Make sure that everyone knows about your unwavering support of special interests that give your campaign big money. Your secret negotiations with state employee union executives is a perfect opportunity to demonstrate your quid pro quo relationship with special interests — people will get to see how you like to spend their money to get campaign contributions.
4. Taking credit for Republicans’ accomplishments seems to be a good approach — especially considering the fact that you have no accomplishments of your own to claim. After all, it’s something you already did when you attempted to take credit for boosts in public education funding. Maybe — just maybe — people will believe you and you’ll have something to boast about.
5. Keep demonstrating how you are likely the laziest governor in the history of Washington State by — week after week — working less than 15 hours (and that’s being generous) on actually governing the state. Perhaps people may decide that you not working is actually good for our state.